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Friends of Science's Denial denied

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“We’re not on the List!”

The recent book ‘Climate Change Denial: Heads in the Sand’ by Haydn Washington and John Cook includes a list of denialist organizations that, inexplicably, omits our stalwart Friends of Science. We’ve wondered how they might respond…

We would almost have preferred a vindictive tax audit to that kind of crippling exclusion. Christ! What kind of waterheads compiled that list? How can we show our faces in the Petroleum Club, when word finally reaches Calgary that we aren’t on it?

There is slim satisfaction in the knowledge that our exclusion from the (2011) list of ‘climate change deniers’ has more to do with timing and John Cook’s refusal to read the
National Post than with the outrageousness of all the things we’ve said and written about those climatologist bastards.

We were, after all, the only “science” organization covering global warming to compare Al Gore with Adolf Hitler … We were the only ones to describe him as a congenital thug, a fixer with the personal principles of a used-car salesman. And when these distasteful excesses were privately censured by the docile national academies, we compounded our flirtation with bad taste by describing the scientific establishment as a gang of lame whores & sheep without the balls to even argue with James Hansen – who kept them all dancing to Gore’s bogus tune, until it suddenly became fashionable to see him for the public servant he was and has been all along.

The nut of our complaint here – in addition to being left off the list – is rooted in a powerful resentment at not being recognized (not even by Cook) for the insults we heaped on climate change
before it was fashionable. This is a matter of journalistic ethics – perhaps even ‘sportsmanship’ – and we take a certain pride in knowing that we kicked global warming before it became blindingly obvious. Not afterwards – though we plan to continue that, too, as often as possible.

When they update the bugger, we plan to be on it. Our attorneys are even now preparing our
tax records, with an eye to confrontation. When the next list of ‘climate change deniers’ comes out, we want to be on it. Our industry sponsors will never forgive us – ten years from now – if we fail to clear our name and get grouped, for the record, with those whom real scientists consider demented loonies.

We all feel the same way. Norm was sitting in the kitchen, watching the TV set, when Doug began reading the list from the book.
‘Holy shit!’ Norm muttered. ‘We’re not
on it.’
‘Don’t worry,’ Doug said grimly. ‘We
will be.’
‘What can we
do?’ he asked.
‘Kick out the jams,’ Doug said. ‘Don’t worry, Norm. When the next list comes out, we’ll
be there. I guarantee that.’

Apologies to
Hunter S. Thompson.