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CO2 is Marmot Food: Huge Economic Upside for Alberta

A juvenile Colorado Marmot dwarfs mature Alpine Sunflowers

Just published in weekly warmalarmist-anticreationist comicbook Nature is a ground-breaking (or at least, ground-hogging) study demonstrating the favourable effects of global warming climate change increased atmospheric CO2 on the number, weight and lifespan of Colorado marmots. Over the period 1976-2008, a time of both warming and cooling but monotonic CO2 increase, the marmots were observed emerging from hibernation earlier, becoming heavier during the lengthening growing season, producing more offspring, and living increasingly longer lives. This is not only clear proof of the beneficial effects of CO2 on some parts of certain ecosystems, it also has obvious economic implications for marmot-producing regions.

“The upside for Alberta is enormous,” says Baron Karl Freiherr von Monckhausen, FoGT’s
Director of Scientific Content. “As CO2 keeps increasing, marmot populations in the Canadian Rockies will keep pace. We’ll be able to farm the marmots, not only to feed all the displaced Newfies who’ll be left homeless and jobless after we’ve exhausted the oilsands, but to sell at export! The increases in activity, numbers and weight of these little beasties over the study period indicate that given enough CO2 they’ll be awake year-round, breed like rabbits, and grow to the size of sheep. I’m off to buy marmot futures right away -- and some more oilsand, having seen those impressive billboards advertising it -- but I’d better hurry; you can be sure that if we’ve figured this out by now, the Friends of Science have, too!”

P.S. And what do the room-temperature IQ-types of the Friends of Science have to say?

"The world needs more CO2, not less. CO2 emissions are a wonderful by product of industrialization".
Ken Gregory
Friends of Science
9th July 2010