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The True Meaning of the Christmas Story

In Australia, opposition leader Tony Abbott has inadvertently revealed a deep secret the threatens the very basis of Catholicism. Mr. Abbott's comment that it was hotter in the time of Jesus was a veiled reference to a project aimed to prove this by analysing the tree rings in the true cross, once the fragments had been re-assembled. This was a particularly important paleo-record since the true cross represents a large sample covering many species of trees.

This effort to confirm the consistency of religion and Australian Liberal Party's
non-core science was seen as less ambitious than the comparable project of cloning from DNA in blood and skin from the nails of the cross, as described in Honk If You Are Jesus. [This is silly. If you want to clone Jesus, just use his lovingly conserved foreskin. Ed.]

However the whole project had been hastily buried until Mr Abbott's gaffe. It was the subject of a massive cover up because careful dating of the tree rings confirmed what calendar-makers had long hinted:
There was no year zero -- 1AD followed 1BC. Any one who claimed to have been born in the year zero didn't really exist.

Demographers analysing the census of Caesar Augustus [Luke 2:1] had long noticed missing cohort of those born in year zero. Until now this had been attributed to Herod killing almost all new-borns from that year [Matthew 2:16]. In reality, neither the alleged massacre victims nor survivors like Jesus of Nazareth ever existed. In a desperate attempt to distract attention Viscount Christopher Monckton, world expert on climate [and everything else, Ed.] has tried to redirect questions of birth in the direction of
President Obama.

The suppression of the dendro-gospel-climatology project has interrupted the groundswell of Australian Catholic support for
non-core climate science by both senior clergy, prominent catholic laymen fabricating a quote from Pope clarifying the Pope's message and of course from Mr Abbott himself describing Ian Plimer as a highly credible scientist and he has written what seems like a very well argued book. This Australian Catholic support of non-core climate science has continued in spite of reluctance at higher levels: that It is important for assessments in this regard to be carried out prudently, in dialogue with experts and people of wisdom, uninhibited by ideological pressure to draw hasty conclusions, and above all with the aim of reaching agreement on a model of sustainable development capable of ensuring the well-being of all while respecting environmental balances.

In this context,
The Da Vinci Code is understood as yet another carefully crafted misdirection, designed to draw attention in precisely the opposite direction. In reality Jesus of Nazareth did not have descendants. Neither did his father.

Prof Dr Moritz Lorenz. Sarah Palin School of Geography, Economics and Quantum Computing, University of Narbethong, West Island Campus, NZ