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Lack of Solar Activity causes erectile Dysfunction in Climate Change Deniers

With the 9th snowiest and 38th coldest winter since the beginning of global cooling in 1998 2002 still raving over Calgary, the Friends of Science have reached their absolute Dalton minimum in penile erections. While skillfully hiding their decline in virility, only 2 Friends reportedly have had a boner since 2002, one of which was allegedly not over the old lady or a young Ukrainian escort but over the climategate emails. This Friend had to call a physician after his erection prevailed for more than 4 months hours. And while his brain was deprived of blood, he wrote their latest newsletter.

"A prolonged erection is usually painful," says Dr. Ira Harelip, clinical professor of urology at the University of California at San Francisco and spokesperson for the
American Urological Association. "Men usually know something's
wrong when their wiener sticks out like the blade of Michael Mann’s hockey stick, and almost always come in for care because of the pain. There are some men who don't want to go to the doctor or an emergency room, but they should know that it's a potentially serious condition which can result in permanent erectile dysfunction if it's not taken care of." Named for Priapus, the Greek god of fertility who sported an oversized, eternally-erect penis (so large, in fact, he used it to frighten away anyone who tried to plunder his gardens), priapism brought on by erectile dysfunction drugs is extremely rare.

The other reported boner in a Friend was due to a swollen prostate. There is a direct scientific relationship between sunspots, plate tectonic activity, and erectile dysfunction, claims Norm Kalashnikoff, and he uses his APEGGA membership as proof for the correctness of his claim.

And all this while the Friends’ ratio of adult diapers per condom has become infinite since 2002.
O tempora, o mores!