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Two Friends of Gin & Tonic raptured on Judgement Day

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The Friends of Gin & Tonic sadly announce that two of their long-term contributors, Dr. Moritz Lorenz (left) and John A. Marr (right) have been chosen to belong to god’s elect people and have apparently been raptured on yesterday’s Judgement Day. For the rest of us alarmists, we will have to wait until October before a high rate of global heating will destroy the world. Please take the important dates from the time table below.


TIMING OF IMPORTANT EVENTS IN HISTORY (courtesy of the Friends of Science)

11,013 BC—Creation. God created the world and man (Adam and Eve).

4990 BC—The flood of Noah’s day. All perished in a worldwide flood. Only Noah, his wife, and his 3 sons and their wives survived in the ark (6023 years from creation).

7 BC—The year Jesus Christ was born (11,006 years from creation).

33 AD—The year Jesus Christ was crucified and the church age began (11,045 years from creation; 5023 calendar years from the flood).

247 AD
—Famous climate change denier Fred Singer was born as a tobacco advocate. After a short stint on the ozone hole, he gets retrained for climate change denial.

1988 AD—This year ended the church age and began the great atribulation period of 23 years (13,000 years from creation).

1994 AD—On September 7th, the first 2300-day period of the great tribulation came to an end and the latter rain began, commencing God’s plan to save a great multitude of people outside of the churches (13,006 years from creation).

2011 AD—On May 21st, Judgment Day will begin and the rapture (the taking up into heaven of God’s elect people) will occur at the end of the 23-year great tribulation. On October 21st, the world will be destroyed by fire (7000 years from the flood; 13,023 years from creation).